Sometimes we have trouble reaching our live meaningful goals, because we are having trouble overcoming an obstacle related to our goal.

Sometimes we have problems in our lives (big and small) that have nothing to do with our live meaningful goals, but they are sucking up our time and energy which could be used for more important and more meaningful things.

Below are some methods you can try when attempting to conquer a problem in your life!

SIMPLE SOLUTIONS

Simple solutions are those solutions that you passed by due to the very fact that they were too simple. This solution you may have not spent any time even considering. Maybe you felt like it wouldn’t get to the root of the issue, and that’s why you passed it off? You felt the solution needed to be a little bit deeper.

Here is an example of a simple solution in my own life.

I had braces in my late teens/early twenties. I generally felt fine about my appearance. Part of my treatment plan was having my jaw moved forward to correctly align my bite. I didn’t really think about this too much, and went with the flow of the treatment.

However, once my jaw had been moved forward, I panicked. My whole facial appearance looked completely different to me. It was probably a rather subtle change, but to me, I looked completely different. As a result, I spent large amounts of time with a mirror in hand obsessing about the changes. I hated the way I looked.

My first try at a solution to this problem was to beg the orthodontists to move my jaw back to how it was. I never actually discovered if this was possible or not, I just remember them looking at me like I was crazy and informing me that they would not engage in malpractice.

Next, I obsessed about how upset I was. I lived in regret. I mourned the changes and would look through pictures of how I used to look.

My second try at a solution was to decide that looks didn’t matter, tell myself I was blowing this way out of proportion, and to work on building my inner confidence.

I know this sounds like the happy ending solution that worked, but it didn’t. I did everything I could possibly think of to become a person who didn’t care how I looked. But, I still cared and I still hated the way I looked and I was still obsessing about it.

Somewhere in this midst of all this, I noticed that there was a certain haircut/length/style that I liked on me. And when I had my hair this cut/length/style I no longer felt bad about my appearance, and felt good about the way I looked.

This was my simple solution. But I rejected it for a long time, because, it was too simple. This solution didn’t fix the problem that I cared about what I looked like. So instead of maintaining this haircut I let my hair grow out and continued to be unhappy with my appearance.

In an ideal world, would it have been better to rid myself of superficial concerns and have complete confidence in myself no matter what I looked like? Sure, yes, that would be wonderful. But, as much as I hate to admit it, sometimes we need to accept that we are in an imperfect world and we are imperfect people and if a haircut makes you feel better about yourself, let yourself have the darn haircut.

Simple solutions aren’t always the answer. Simple solutions that are harmful to self, others, or the environment are probably not a good choice. But, if a simple solution is not harmful, allow yourself to consider it.

And you know, as much as I felt that my simple solution was the superficial option, it made me way less superficial. Instead of spending hours hours agonizing about how I looked, I now spent no time on it. I spent time thinking about more important things like helping others or finding meaning in my life.

Don’t waste your time on easily fixed problems.

 

CREATIVE SOLUTIONS

I would not say that creative solutions are opposite of simple solutions, but they do take a little more time and effort to think of. That doesn’t mean they are “hard” solutions – you just have to allow yourself to think outside of the box a little bit.

So, I have one small example of a creative solution. I have a sweet tooth and love all things sweet, especially ice cream. I would crave ice cream especially after dinner. I am also health conscious and recognize that ice cream once a day is probably not the best idea. So, black and white thinking would tell me either to indulge but neglect health or care for my health but neglect desire.

However, creative thinking tells me that there is a third way, and both desires can be satisfied.

And that is when I made the discovery of throwing frozen bananas in the food processor with (unsweetened) Cocoa powder and Waa-laa! Chocolate ice cream! I now can guilt free have chocolate “ice cream” after dinner.

Anyway, this obviously is a small example and if your biggest problem in life is that you can’t eat as much ice cream as you want to, well, I would say you are doing pretty good. But, for most of us, we do have bigger problems than just ice cream cravings. Creative problem solving can be applied to all sorts of scenarios. I know for my husband and me, it has helped a great deal in our marriage in overcoming the little obstacles that come our way. It has helped us in finding ways for us both to be happy even with our varying preferences. I am definitely not saying there is not a time for sacrifice, but there may be a lot more times when both desires can be fulfilled than you think – you just need a little creativity. Save the sacrifice for when it truly is necessary.

 

WEIRD SOLUTIONS

Weird solutions, ah yes. I am all about weird solutions, probably because I am weird myself, and it turns out, weird people need weird solutions.

Now, I would say weird solutions are similar to creative solutions in that they might take some thinking out of the box. But they also might not. The whole premise of weird solutions is that they get rejected for the simple fact that they are weird. They may be the perfect solution that completely solves your problem, but you reject it, or don’t even consider it, simply because it is weird. Is it harming someone? Is it harming the earth? Is it morally wrong? If no, then it passed the test! Don’t reject a solution just because it is weird!

Okay, now I have to admit one of my weird solutions to you.

My husband and I have, for whatever reason, had some issues with keeping our house clean. Try as we might, our house somehow gets messy over and over again (and we don’t even have any children we can blame it on!). We knew we needed a system because apparently our willpower to have a clean house just wasn’t cutting it.

So, we implemented a few systems, one of them being the “coat box.” A problem that would keep happening was that we would come home late and be so tired that we would throw our coats on the couches instead of hanging them up in the coat closet. Doesn’t seem like a huge deal, does it? But the problem was, once we were leaving coats around, shoes, purses, and other miscellaneous items would follow and our spotless living room would progress back to a messy living room. We had to stop the problem where it started – and that was with the coats.

As a result, now in our coat closet, there is a “coat box.” So when it is late and we just can’t handle the thought of searching for the coat hanger, getting that coat correctly positioned on the coat hanger, and then going through that whole zipping/snapping process to make sure the coat doesn’t slide off the hanger….we have the option of throwing it in the coat box. Yes, we have literally created a system to budget for our own laziness. And in the morning, when we are feeling refreshed, we get our coats out of the coat box and hang them on hangers like normal people.

And maybe you are thinking right now, that’s really weird. Well, yes it is, and that’s the point. You probably have some problem that would be fixed with a solution just as weird as mine, and I would think yours is weird. We are all weird in our own ways. We don’t have to trumpet our weird solutions to everyone – only on my blog will I probably spill the beans about the coat box. Anyway, all I know is, since the coat box was implemented, our living room has been spotless.

Bottom line, don’t reject weird solutions, weird solution are still solutions.

 

THE DO WHAT WORKS / KNOW THY SELF SOLUTIONS

The Do What Works Solution or the Know Thy Self Solution – close cousins of Weird Solutions because doing what actually works may be weird, hence the coat box example.

The idea behind this solution mindset is letting go of what “should” work. I should be able to hang up my coat. I should be able to do this or that. It doesn’t matter what you should be be able to do, know yourself and do what works!

For example, before I learned about my lovely banana ice cream solution, I had little self control when it came to sweet treats. (Well, I still have little control, but now I am allowed to indulge!) Anyway, my husband would want to buy ice cream or some other sweet treat that we could just have a little bit of throughout the week. Or his parents would want to send baked good home with us. I would have to be really intense and say no to any sweets in the house. Why? Because I knew myself. I was unable to eat only a little bit. And if it was a bad day at work, all dietary rules were definitely out the window.

Should I have been able to control myself? Maybe? But who cares. I need to do what works. And if keeping these items out of the house worked better, then that is the best plan for me. If someone has had a past with alcoholism should they go to the bar because they should be able to control themselves? No, of course not. They stay completely away from the bar because they know their weakness.

Another example, would be this Valentine’s Day. I thought to myself we should go out for Valentine’s Day, that’s what people usually do.

But the more I thought about it, the more I actually just wanted to stay home. So what did we do instead? My husband, who loves cooking and getting creative in the kitchen, cooked up a 5 course meal of “small plates” and we ate with candlelight and cheesy romantic music playing in the background. It was the best Valentine’s Day ever and by far surpassed being at a loud busy restaurant.

Do What Works. Know thy Self. And throw out the “shoulds.”

 

COMPROMISE SOLUTIONS

So I talked earlier about creative solutions that can make both people happy or fulfill both goals and don’t result in compromise. But as well all know, sometimes compromise is necessary.

But sometimes, compromise isn’t even that bad, and we don’t even recognize it as an option because we get stuck in black and white thinking.

The other day I was trying to come up with a solution having to do with my work schedule. I had two extra hours of flex time and was trying to figure out where to use it. I thought Well it would be really nice to leave two hours early on Wednesday. We have a long meeting on Wednesdays and to be able to leave right after it would be awesome. But then I would think about Friday, I have to work a late day on Friday anyway, and if I could go in two hours later that would be really nice and I could do something fun to enjoy my morning before going to work.

And I got really stuck in where to use my two hours because both sounded really nice. What was the obvious solution that I was ignoring? I could split up the two hours and leave an hour early on Wednesday and go in an hour late on Friday.

So, another small example, but my point is that we get so focused on one way of thinking that we don’t even consider the options of compromise. And, I am not saying every compromise solution is a good solution or the one that you want, but if you are stuck in a decision, you need to at least consider the option.

 

NON-SUSTAINABLE SOLUTIONS / THE RIGHT NOW SOLUTIONS

Okay, I am going to be honest, this solution style is a little difficult for me to write about. It is SO the opposite of how my brain works. But, that is exactly why I need to consider these options.

So, obviously, non-sustainable options have caused a lot of harm in the world. Non-sustainable solutions have caused problems to our environment. Personal non-sustainable solutions have caused people to make bad decisions for themselves when they are younger that affect them negatively when they are older.

I am definitely not advocating that this is always a good option. But you should at least keep it in mind. If you are anything like me, you will say no to any solution if it won’t be a good solution 10 years from now too. Sometimes that way of thinking makes sense, but a lot of times it does not.

For example, I actually had that whole “coat box” to help keep our house clean solution previously, but I rejected it because I thought we would be bad role models for our children and we would teaching them to be lazy. Well, first off, we don’t yet know if we will ever have children. Second, if we do, they are not here yet. Third, we also don’t want to teach them to have a messy house, so teaching them helpful systems would be better than teaching them to just throw their coat on the couch. Fourth, back to first and second, we don’t have kids!!!!

I was creating problems and scenarios that didn’t even exist. Sometimes I feel like that verse in Matthew was created for me, Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. (6:34)

That verse is not for everyone, as I work with many teens and young adults in my job, that need to develop their planning skills and recognize how decisions now impact their future later. However, for me, that verse is exactly what I need to learn. Each day has enough troubles in itself, accept the solutions of today, and once I get to tomorrow I can worry about the solutions of tomorrow.

As long as there is no harm to others, yourself, or the planet – allow your consider the “right now” solutions.

 

MINIMALISTIC SOLUTIONS

Minimalism solves a lot of problems. Money problems? Try minimalism. Clutter problems? Try minimalism. Not enough time in your day? Try minimalism. Problems with decision making? Try minimalism.

Think of the problems (big or small) in your life right now. Could minimalism help solve any of these problems?

Minimalism has helped me solve many problems in my life. One example is in regard to clothing and my morning routine. I used to get up before work and stress about what I would wear, try on various outfits as I decided, and as as result end up running late to work.

Now, I have about 10 outfits I wear to work on a rotating schedule. I spend zero time thinking about what I am going to wear to work. It saves me the stress and time. And guess what, no one notices or cares that I don’t have a completely unique outfit everyday. I wear simple button ups that are classic and won’t be out of style in a year. This also means less trips to the store and less money spent.

Minimalism solves a lot of problems because minimalism leads to abundance. Less is literally more, because having less of one thing always give you more space for something else.

 

EXPERIMENTAL SOLUTIONS

Experimental solutions acknowledge that life is an experiment. Nobody knows the right answer – we make our hypothesis, try some experiments, and adjust as necessary.

The benefit of this solution style is that it allows you to try solutions that you don’t yet know for fact will work. Not getting a good night sleep? Who knows what the reason is? Try melatonin. Try chamomile tea. Try turning off technology earlier. Try reading before bed. Try reading a book about sleep. Try going to the doctor. Try decreasing stress.

Allow for the experimentation process. Think of scientists, they don’t try one thing and decide Oh, I guess that didn’t work, there must be no solutions. This is an unsolvable problem. Do you think that is what Albert Einstein did?

Be a scientist of your own life and accept the scientific process of trial and error.

 

SLOW SOLUTIONS / STEP BY STEP SOLUTIONS

So, have I referenced enough times yet that I can get caught in black and white thinking? My last example of this is, if I have a problem, I have two categories. Either the problem has been solved or it has not.

Recently I have learned that there needs to be a third category. There needs to be a “solution in progress” category.

Maybe you have some kind of mental health problem and you have started going to therapy. That counts as your solution even if you have not “solved” your mental health problem. Many solutions happen in steps and happen over time. You may have already found your solution and now it is time to allow it grow…do its work…come to fruition.

Don’t drive yourself crazy looking for a solution when you have already found it. Your next step may be waiting and embracing the process.

 

JOURNAL QUESTIONS

Think of a problem you are facing in your life right now. It can be a big problem or a small problem. Run your problem through each of the problem solving techniques as prompted below. Once you have completed this, look through all your solutions and utilize your intuition to decide which one would be best fit for this problem.

1. How could the simple solution technique solve your problem? Is there a simple solution you are overlooking? Or is there some reason you are not accepting this as a solution? There may be a legitimate reason. But, figure out why you are resisting the simple solution before you completely discard it. Write down at least one idea for what a simple solution could be for this problem.

2. What could a creative solution look like for your problem? This may take some time to think and some brainstorming. Come back to this one if nothing is coming to mind after a few minutes of reflection.

3. Is there a weird solution that could solve your problem? Maybe it seems too weird or you would feel embarrassed about it or just seems way too non-traditional. You don’t have to do it, but just write it down and know that it might be an option, if needed.

4. What would be a “Do What Works” solution or a “Know They Self” solution for you? This is where you need to throw out the “shoulds” and think about what actually might work for you. Think about who you are – your strengths and your weaknesses – what might actually work?

5. Have you gotten stuck in black and white thinking? What would a compromise solution look like for your problem? Again, even if you don’t think you will use this solution, just write it down so you can have it on paper and see if it is realistic.

6. What could be your non-sustainable or right now solution to your problem? Remember, I am not asking you to compromise any of your moral values – I just want you to examine if there is anything that could work in the now, as you look for different solutions in the future.

7. Think about what a minimalistic solution could be to your problem. Is your problem related to time or money? Is there something else you could let go of in order to gain more of something else?

8. What is your willingness to think of problem solving (and life) as an experiment? Would you be willing to experiment a little bit to find your solution, and accept that it might not be the first thing you try? What kind of experiments can you commit to try to solve your problem?

9. And in the same vein, are you willing to accept slow solutions or step by step solutions? Is is possible that you already found the solution to your problem and now it is time to let it come to fruition or there is a process that must happen first until it is totally resolved?

Take a look at your list. What stands out to you? After reflecting on each style for your problem, what solution style intuitively seems like the right one to try?

 

I WOULD LOVE TO HEAR YOUR COMMENTS!

Let me know if this entry helped you in any way, if you have any further questions, or if there is anything else you would be interested in learning related to this topic!

Also, I would love to hear what strategies have been helpful to you in solving the big or small problems in your life!

Thanks for reading & happy problem solving!

Yours,

 

This post is not for someone with ongoing or severe depression. If this is you, please consider seeking professional services.

This post is for those who mostly feel fine on a day to day basis. You are working on goals. You are running after your passions. You have some frustrations of course, but you are doing okay.

And then one day you wake up, and it hits you. Hard.

Every ounce of passion that you felt welling up inside of you days prior, is suddenly and completely evaporated. What was I thinking anyway?

Suddenly nothing feels worth trying. Forget the aspiration to live more meaningfully, you can barely get out of bed today.

You try to search for the origin of this depression. Maybe it resulted from a bad night of sleep? Or some small moment yesterday that led you down a negative thought pattern? Or maybe, there is no external trigger to be found. You have no idea why you feel this way.

If you are lucky, you may recognize that you might feel better tomorrow. But that doesn’t alter the fact that your brain is persuasively attempting to make you believe you will feel this way forever. There is no hope. Just grey skies forever.

So, as you crawl out of bed full of apathy and void of motivation, you wonder, how am I going to spend the next 16 hours before I can go back to bed?

You may not be able to stop your bad day from happening. Life is not perfect – bad days do exist. Just remember, there is never a perfect, but always a better.

 

Here are few strategies to implement to help you have a better bad day…

 

CHALLENGE YOUR THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS

On these days, your brain will try to lie to you. Your brain will try to tell you that you have always felt this way and will forevermore feel this way. This is not true. Challenge these thoughts with evidence. Think of times when you were motivated about a project or excited for a dream. Trust that these feelings were true and they will be back, even if you cannot access them now. Realize you are having a bad day, not a bad life.

 

BUDGET FOR & ACCEPT THESE DAYS

These days will happen. No matter how much you do everything “right” – you will have these days. Expect these days to be in your life. Of course, if you notice patterns and can decrease the amount of these days, go for it. But it is important to realize having these days means you are a normal human being living a normal life. We allow space in our financial budgets for unexpected costs, allow space in your life for unexpected bad days.

Life is full of magic, wonder, and awe but every moment and every day is definitely not magical. As long as we are on planet earth, this is a truth we must accept, and will be much happier for doing so.

 

DO WHAT YOU CAN DO

If you can’t fly then run, if you can’t run then walk, if you can’t walk then crawl, but whatever you do you have to keep moving forward. – Martin Luther King Jr.

Maybe today all you can do is crawl. Do that. Work for just a little bit of a time on a creative project even if you don’t feel like it. Take a tiny action step toward your goal even if you don’t remember why it was your goal to begin with. Accept that some days, crawling is the best we can do. Give yourself permission to crawl and then credit for doing so. You will have more peace at the end of your day knowing you crawled instead of making no movement at all. Small movement is still movement.

 

LOOK FOR OPPORTUNITIES TO LEARN & SILVER LININGS

You are not going to trick yourself into thinking you are having a good day. But there are gifts in every day even if they are small and hard to find. What opportunity did today bring you? Needed rest? A conversation? A new perspective? Greater tolerance or skills for handling these days in the future?

 

REFLECT ON WHAT YOU ARE GRATEFUL FOR

This one won’t be effective if you aren’t actually grateful for the things you are thinking about. Don’t think of what you should be grateful for, think of what you are grateful for. A funny moment with a friend or significant other earlier in the week? A book you started reading that you absolutely love? Think of a few things that will help you remember the silly or small joys life has to offer.

 

SOLVE YOUR PROBLEMS TOMORROW

Don’t try to solve your life’s problems on a bad day. If they can wait, put them off. Two reasons. First, on a low day your brain chemicals are off. You do not have the clarity and problem solving skills that you have on good days. You will be spinning your wheels. Second, your problems will probably be halved by tomorrow. When we are having bad days, we create problems in our minds that aren’t really there.

 

EMBRACE SELF CARE & SOURCES OF ENCOURAGEMENT

Although I recommend pushing yourself a little, also allow for plenty of self care. Self care can be warm baths and good books. Self care can also be evidenced based practices for improving your brain chemicals – such as exercise, meditation, and healthy eating.

Also, find sources of encouragement. Positive self-talk is great, but sometimes we need the voices of others speaking into us. Allow your significant other to tell you encouraging and kind things. Call a friend who will speak encouraging truth to you. Whatever struggles that feel especially harsh on this bleak day – find a book about people who had those same struggles and were able to overcome them. Find a podcast of encouragement and inspiration. Your brain may not tell you what you need to hear today, so let the voices of others help you out.

 

REALIZE THE IMPORTANCE OF: PROGRESS, NOT PERFECTION

Get better at having bad days. I know it sounds strange, but it is very possible. I used to have bad days where I would believe my negative thoughts, be mad that I was having a bad day, spend the whole day in bed, obsess about how the day was a waste, believe there was nothing good in my life, try to solve every problem I could think of and get frustrated when I couldn’t, and allow no room for self care or inspiration.

How do you think I felt at the end of my bad day? Ten times worse of course. My bad day had been promoted to an awful day.

Now on bad days, I still have negative thoughts but I don’t believe them, I accept that I am having a bad day, I get a few small things accomplished, I find the opportunities within my day, I think of happy moments in the recent weeks, I hand my problems over to tomorrow, and I allow positive stories and voices of inspiration to feed my soul.
At the end of this kind of bad day, I feel okay. It still wasn’t a good day, but I make peace with it and go to bed with hope for the chance at a different kind of day tomorrow.

You can have better bad days.

 

ALLOW FOR HOPEFULNESS

So, I talked a lot about accepting bad days. And I said this, because sometimes we do have to accept bad things. Denying them doesn’t help. If a love one passes or you are laid off from a job, denying this fact is not helpful.

But, accepting something is bad, does not mean we do not allow for hope. We must create space – space for the negative and space for hope. Both are important.

On a bad day, hope is hard to find. But look for the glint of hope and take it. It can be something very small. Maybe you think to yourself Maybe if I start going to bed earlier and getting enough sleep, these days will come up less often. Or Maybe some negative thinking patterns did lead me into this day, maybe I will consider going to counseling to work on these patterns and maybe this will decrease how often I have these days.

Let yourself think these things and believe these things. I know this sounds opposite of my recommendation to accept and budget for these days. But, if you haven’t noticed yet, life is full of opposites. Be strict and consistent with your kids and also full of grace and forgiveness. Have a tightly managed budget and splurge on the things you love and are meaningful to you.

Opposites create balance.

Surrender your control. Embrace you have the power to control. Yes, I am telling you to literally do both.

If you don’t accept that sometimes bad days happen, you will feel angry at that day and you will not accept the reality of the situation. You have to realize sometimes things are out of your control. But, if you don’t believe there is hope that you could make changes to decrease negativity the future, then that can further the depression. Accept negative situations of the past and present, but never accept the negativity of the future, because it hasn’t happened yet.

 
LIGHT A CANDLE

Bad days are dark. I know, because I have had them.

Just don’t forget, it is better to light a candle than to curse the darkness.

Lighting a candle is doing what you can do, looking for silver linings, and being grateful for what you are able to.

And sometimes we have to accept the light of others on the days that our flames are small.

But simply sitting in the dark and cursing it, will get us nowhere.

Find whatever light you can find on this day and allow it to illuminate anything and everything it can.

********

 

 

JOURNAL QUESTIONS

This week’s journal questions are for when you are in the midst of your bad day – when you are in the thick of it. You, of course, are welcome to reflect on them now, but they will likely be the most helpful to you during your bad day. If today isn’t one of those days I recommend bookmarking this page and coming back to it when you find yourself in that place. (Also, I recommend reading the coinciding section with each question if you are coming back to the questions at a later time)

1. What negative things is your brain trying to tell you on this bad day? That things are hopeless? That you will feel this way forever? That your creative project or goals are not worth pursuing? Jot down some of these thoughts and then write out evidence to the contrary. Disprove what your brain is telling you.

2. Are you getting worked up and angry at this bad day or are you willing to accept it? What does it look like for you to accept that you are having a bad day today?

3. What will it mean for you to do what you can do today? What are the small steps you can take? What does crawling look like for you? Even if you can’t commit to anything big, make a list of small things you can commit to doing today.

4. Where can you find opportunities for learning and silver linings in your day? It can be very small, but come up with the few small gifts that this day has to offer you.

5. Reflect on what you are grateful for. Again, these can be small. But as I said earlier, don’t write down “shoulds” – write down the little things in your life you feel grateful for right now.

6. Write down the problems that are nagging at you right now. Can these problems wait until tomorrow when you are feeling better? Commit to let them go for today and decide to come back to them again on a day when you are feeling better

7. How will you care for yourself today? How will you seek inspiration today? Look through some of the examples in this section of the article and commit to a few self care practices and sources of encouragement that you will engage in today.

8. What does your “better” bad day look like? Remember, the goal of going through these journal questions right now is not to suddenly feel better. It is to have a better bad day. Reflect on what this could like for you. What would an awful day for you be like? Contrast that with a better bad day. How would those two days differ?

9. What is the glint of hopefulness you could accept today? Are there any small changes you can make that might help you have less of these days in the future? Commit to make this change and allow yourself to have hope that it will help you.

10. How will you light a candle today? You can answer this as abstract or as practical as you like. Reflect on what this phrase means to you and keep this mantra in your mind for the rest of the day.

 

 

I WOULD LOVE TO HEAR YOUR COMMENTS!

Let me know if this entry helped you in any way, if you have any further questions, or if there is anything else you would be interested in learning related to this topic!

Also, I would love to hear how you have been able to battle these kind of days and what strategies have been helpful for you.

Thanks for reading & wishing you better bad days…

 

Yours,